03/12/15

Well, let me start off by saying, that I was very interested when I read the article written by the young lady (I believe it was Megan Smith), who said the death Penalty won’t bring her father back. She is a family member of someone who lost their life & she says, she feels the death penalty is a form of revenge & not justice, because the state is doing the same thing to the criminal as they did to the victim & the way she brought out also that it costs more to keep someone on death row than GP (general population). I feel her message needs to be spread around to a lot of people to open their eyes to what we’ve been saying all along. Maybe hearing it from a victim’s family member may help others to look of it differently than they have been & actually it may help out with this fight that we’re fighting. I don’t have much to say in this article, but just letting my presence be known & to show I’m still here fighting on through the hard times.

Soló

I Gets Real, Real Quick

Reality for me continues to set in, with each day that passes. Right now, we the men of Project Hope to Abolish the Death Penalty, are faced with legalities, among other things. All of us are away from our loved ones & have burdens heavy on our mind. We all are facing the possibility of being executed. I’m new to this death row life, but one thing for sure is, you have to adapt quick. But, this is not about me right now. I feel that would be selfish & inconsiderate. My focus is on my fellow brothers in this moment.

I lay in my cell the other day & listen at the names of guys I know, “as well as a few I don’t” being called out & after all the names were called there was a short pause, followed by the statement “All the names called are a list of people who’s request for a execution date to be set.” Though my name wasn’t called, my heart dropped. Because a few of the guys I knew & have some type of dealings with. Some are fellow members of this Project Hope organization. I honestly don’t know how to approach ya guys to speak on the subject, but I would like to let ya know my heart goes out to y’all, because it could be me & maybe me in those shoes one day. “Ant Boyd” I met when I got off single walk on the basketball court sideline during the tournament. I can’t speak any negative words toward you. But I can say that in our last meeting despite his current agenda he was there giving us information & motivation on fighting this fight. Assuring us that though at times it may not seem like it, but our voices are being heard. Yet & still he explained procedures of what’s going on with the whole process. To me that’s an example of real “HOPE” fighting to the end no matter what & I’d like to thank you for the encouragement you give me by your actions without even knowing it. “Booman” my neighbor. Being real when I got here, I couldn’t ask for a better neighbor. He laced me up on the things I didn’t know that, I needed to about this death row life/environment. Honestly, if I didn’t hear his named called on that list, I wouldn’t even know about the news. Because he continues to remain the same whether you know it or not, you motivate me too. Because, there are days when I want to just throw the towel in & be done. But, I look at you guys & how y’all continue to push on & I tell myself to keep going. This has been a long fight trying to get the death penalty abolished, but it’s still going on & I don’t know if it will ever be done, but as I continue to live I will continue to fight. With the same spirit & determination of my brothers. You never know who’s watching you & one day a new comer may be watching me & when he does I want him to see the same drive in me that I’ve witnessed in y’all. I want to be able to explain this death row movement to him to the fullest so he will understand what he’s up against & know how to prepare for battle. Just as youngsters in the free world learn & pick up things from the old heads. I’ve learned & picked up things that are beneficial from you guys. Being a realist I know that everything ain’t steak & potatoes & that you must have millions of things going through your mind. But, in the midst of all that you still manage to hold your heads up high. So when you’re going through it in your mind, I hope you take a second to realize you have & do make a difference in the lives of others & if not others, at least mine. For what it’s worth, just know that somebody cares even if it is me. “Now enough of this being all emotional!! “lol” Just wanted to let y’all know that your work’s not in vain & ya make a hell of a difference, keep fighting never give up & stand strong. Most importantly don’t loose “HOPE”. And, to all of ya guys I didn’t mention or don’t know, or are not a part of this operation. It’s cool, cause we got enough “HOPE” for all of y’all

by Soló

Now I guess they got me thiiis tiiime/
without a daught/
Gotta fight it from the insiiide/
worth my way out/
Ain’t no time for no fuckery/
playing, giggling or chuckling/
I’m focused on being focused/
if been focused don’t fuck wit me/
I’m kicking at my thoughts/
-N-me & my feelings tussling/
Aggravated emotions wane leave/
but they stuck at me/
I ain’t gone mention anger – cause anger ain’t got a clue/
Mother fucker got some nerve trying to tell me what to do/
Now my eyes playing tricks – if look like I’m counting money & chillin out at my honey – but really looking at bricks/
Daam!!! Ain’t this some shit!!!/
Never would’ve imagined my dreams turned into tragedy – whole family mad at me/
Daam!!! I need to quit!!!/
Man this shit is sick!!!/
Happiness to calamity – everything is vanity/
Daam!!! Ain’t da a…bitch bitch bitch/

by Solo

A Walk In My Mind

I’m a 32 year old black male. Sentenced to die by lethal injection. I’ve been incarcerated since the age of 28. I’m fighting to get a new trial & have the possibility of gaining my freedom again. I’d be lying to myself if I said that there aren’t days & times that I feel like giving up. This place is hard on your mind, as well as good for your mind. See, in here you’re forced to deal with yourself. You can’t run from who & what you are inside. Your worst qualities come to mind. All the wrong, lowdown dirt you’ve done. You have to face that on a daily basis, but you also have time to reflect on all the good qualities you have as well. All the times you’re helped others, been there for others, even to the point you’re given someone the very shirt off your back. I’m not saying, I’m the best person in the world, but I’m certainly not the worst. There are people walking around free who’re alone way worse than me, but I’m here to pay for my wrong doings. With that being said I can’t allow myself to become better because I’m here & you’re not. Nobody’s perfect they say & I’m a firm believer. I miss my children so much. Wishing I was there to share their accomplishments with them. To encourage & motivate them, instead of living through letters & phone calls. I’m using this time away to change my usual train of thought, the way I handle & deal with situations, because I know waiting until I get out to try & change will be too late. As you should know prison is no longer used to rehabilitate individuals & for someone sentenced to die rehabilitation seems for fetched. As for me I used this time to evaluate myself & make changes for me. My whole life I’ve tried to satisfy others, but now it’s finally about making myself happy. I’m finding inner peace gradually with each day that passes & by God’s grace & forgiveness I no longer have to try to be something I’m not, or be ashamed of who I am, God has forgiven me of all my wrongs & that’s all that matters now. Ya never have to accept me … I ain’t mad atcha. Got nothing but love for ya … It’s not over for me & as long as I have breath in my body, I’m going to keep fighting & bettering myself so that I’ll be able to face any obstacle that presents itself here & upon my reentry into society. Most importantly I will never lose HOPE! I don’t quit.

by Solo