What Are You Creating?

What I am about to share hit home with me. When I were young I never were able to express myself, to my mother, grandparents, or adults over me, because they were either too busy or they always said to me, you talk too much, by this it shut my voice down with them, but created me to talk, without valuing someone else's voice. 

Fast forward about 20 years ago I were talking, and to be honest about nothing and the brother gave me life-changing advice, he said you can't be learning anything, because you always talking. He created a different perspective on the value of listening and gleaning from others. He taught me to hear The voices of others to help me mature and grow. He created me to gain experience and wisdom I would have never had. Looking back my voice became more powerful due to listening more to people, which helps them to tap into their greatness too. Now what that brother created for me I am able to create for others a safe place to express their needs without fear or judgment.

Contradictions 

 Words spoken about actions taken to correct 

 In the context of changes to come by those voters elect 

 Afterward can one see how those words, actions contradict 

 Warned beforehand, nothing is different, blind can predict 

 One can't expect change for a better enter when rules and regs don't apply to the center 

 Thinking above and outside the law that governs enter inside looks at wrongs, nothing found, what's learned

 Surprised, shouldn't be

 From the beginning, it was set, false reality

 On course with words used saying, system was hijacked

 Taking no responsibility for competence lacked

 Only to be prepared as possible

 Not 100%, shouldn't be and it's not plausible 

 Rewarded with longer time to torture

 No consequence for failure

 Continue to use the same personnel

 The same will continue to fail enter with no recourse at hand enter question arise, how and when to stand 

 Public words shape the narrative that's heard 

 Actions of powerful are shifting the herd 

 Hiding the truth without partitions 

 No shade, just darkness abound in light of spoken contradictions…

M. Williams 

Execution Night at Holman 

Death camp. 

What is beyond strange to me is the faces of the correctional guards loom large in my mind on execution days. I am puzzled how they can appear to be some of the nicest, outstanding citizens maybe in their community and the person sitting next to you in church or the friendly waving hand in the passing car driving by. But on execution night or in the days leading up to it, them friendly faces now twisted into grim masks of duty and detachment, how can a so-called human usher souls into the abyss with an eerie sense of calm. One day you see a smile The next transforms into a harbinger of death, their humanity stripped away by the grim hand of routine executions. Reminds me of the movie Devil's Advocate, where the mirror reveals their true self. I think of myself as I try to become a better person and think about all the people I want to help one day It's like they become the old me on execution day and I become the better them. Like the mirror reverses our roles of who we really are. 

During the few hours before and after executions it is very thick in silence. The guards keys are all you hear talking to each other like they're having a busy meeting. 

Usually I stay awake the whole night of executions, my ears reaching far out for any news to beat on my eardrums that bring good news. No one wants to see someone else die. No enjoyment in that. I listen in my dark cell for the wings of a Dove, a dove is a stay of execution that flies from the US Supreme Court if you are lucky. Doves are rarely seen. If one lands in your hand on an execution night, you want the one that is permanent and not temporary. The temporary dove is like a desert illusion here and gone in minutes and death follows behind it quickly. I think about the permanent dove believing what you dwell on long enough materializes. A dove is a protective bubble, better yet a protective egg that shields you from being executed that night or day. When a dove doesn't land you do hear one cry. The sky is nearly always dark for some reason, and surrounds Holman death camp and fills up its eyes with tears, then floods every inch of the sky down to the blades of green grass which are forced to bow and pray for the person from the pressure of the tears above. The tears beat on the roof of the old and new death row to wash away the disgust of us who call ourselves human. This is how my mind finds peace and comfort on the nights of executions. 

Internal Exiler 33

The Hope and No Hope of Death Row

I start with you look at one man and he has faith that a change gone come. Then you look at another man and he has gave up on anything happening for him. So they fight beside their lawyer. They try to change the sentence that has been put on them. And again there are those who don't know a thing their lawyer is doing in their case. One has a family to support them while they are on death row. Then you look at another man and he has no support at all. One seems to have a reason to fight while another seems to have no reason at all to fight. There are a lot of things that make a man lose focus. You see so many caught up in the things of the system. Sometimes it seems as if a man doesn't care about what will happen to him. Then there are those who have not given up on life. They're looking for a change to come. They keep hope alive. So in the end one has hope and one doesn't have hope.

Brandon Sykes

How Do I Feel About the Death Penalty?

I feel that the death penalty is an act of revenge against those who are convicted of capital crimes. It is disgraceful and humiliating. The people that participate in the executions have no regard for life. I feel that they are heartless individuals who don't understand the meaning of forgiveness. I feel that the death penalty in itself is a crime. People are killing people by using drugs that are regulated as controlled substances or by a way of experimentation through the use of untested gas methods. The death penalty is ancient, barbaric, and passed its time for abolition. This is how I feel about the death penalty.

Worst of the Worst

No Hope of Redemption

The end of the line! For those that “society” has deemed “sub-human monsters that have no redeeming qualities whatsoever,” “they'll kill you as soon as look at you.” Victimization is the rule of conduct on death row. Don't drop this open the shower…It's death row = no place for life.

⬆️ Above is the Hollywood version of death row and it's inmates. 

⬇️ Below is some of what IS reality as I've seen for 32 years on death row. 

First coming to the row and finding out that my money would not follow me for at least a week, leaving me unable to catch store. The other death row inmates have been through the same thing, so they started giving new guys care packages made up from their own store items in order to bridge that time gap. This was made more important by the fact that some counties wouldn't let you bring your property from county jail to state prison and death row. 

The death row inmates working as hall runners or trustees going out of their way to tell the new guys all they need to know about how death row works; visitation, store, phone, laundry, church, and also all about Project Hope to Abolish the Death Penalty, which is the only inmate founded, inmate run abolitionist organization in the world. 

The only time they had any interest in my shower was to make sure I had soap, shampoo, towel, and face cloth. Not victimization but cooperation and compassion through empathy. 

I saw men learning the law and then teaching as many people as we're willing to learn, in order to help them prepare for the appellate process etc.

They also help each other with letters, penpals, family etc. I see them worshiping God and give me thanks for whatever is left in their life. I see them console men who lost a loved one or were denied in a stage of appeals. 

The men here became a family. When one of us falls to execution or other causes, we mourn. We love our friends and family and they love us. We are a cross-section of society... Lower income and minorities but society nonetheless. 

We are average people known for the worst moment in our lives, we are so much more than that. 

The humanity, love, and brothership here is so profound that it led them to rename death row to be called “Life Row.” Even by the administration. 

I found that life is, to a large extent, what you make of it, how you perceive it and how you choose to be in it. Where you are physically is much less important than where you are mentally. 

Jeff Rieber

Memories of Men Dying to Live

Let me introduce myself, according to the state of Alabama department of corrections. I am referred to as inmate Z-466. I have been on death row for 37 years, 6 months, and 12 days but who's counting right! 

When I first arrived on death row, I was assigned to the tier right above the death chamber. Back in the '80s the administration would turn the water off to ourselves, to keep us upstairs from flooding ourselves that would run down into the death chamber in an attempt to stop the scheduled execution that night, which was by way of the electric chair, better known as “Yellow Mama.” 

The first person to be executed when I came to death row was Wayne Ritters, Aug 28, 1987 by way of electrocution, and the last thus far was my brother in Christ Kenneth E Smith Jan 25, 2024 by way of suffocation. 

From 1983 until this present day in 2024, there have been 73 executions and each one had this in common. There would be beating and banging on the sale bars. Hollering and shouting from the other inmates to the prison officials and correctional officers who would be carrying out the execution, that what they were doing was wrong, and that they were the real murderers. And at the same time letting the individuals who were preparing to be killed passing from this life into eternity know that they were not alone.

I still remember the conversations I would have with my mother after an execution. She would mention that she wasn't able to sleep. Knowing that the person executed was somebody's (son, brother, uncle, husband, father). And how she would think of me being strapped in that electric chair, I would say to my mother, please don't envision me in that electric chair because I have never thought or seen myself being killed by the state of Alabama or anyone else. 

I chose these two men from the list of 73 executed only because I lived in a cell next to theirs. The first being Herbert Richardson. I was his neighbor for 18 months, he was executed on August 18th 1989 4 days before my 32nd birthday. It was then and there that it really dawned on me that the state of Alabama was trying to kill me too. 

Herbert stayed on single wall all the while I lived next to him. I am humble and thankful for the opportunity I had to pray and share God's love and plans of eternal life with him. 

The second person was Walter Hill, who was executed on May 2nd 1997. We were neighbors only for 4 months. Walter was a quiet person; he really didn't believe that there was a God of all creation that was able to or would forgive him of his sins and bad decisions in life. But before his execution with the help of the spirit of God, I was able to testify of God's love and forgiveness towards him, they're in that moment Walter was persuaded to believe on the name of the Lord Jesus and by his faith he was delivered and forgiven for all eternity. 

As I bring this to a close, let me leave you with this thought my friends, don't be afraid of those who kill the body and after that have no more that they can do to you. 

But I will show you whom you should fear, fear God who after he has killed, has power to cast into hell. 

May God's grace, loving kindness, and truth continue to rest, abide, and surround us all. This day and always! 

Earl McGahee

Trapped 

The uncertainty that accompanies life on death row is perhaps the most agonizing aspect. Inmates grapple with a continenticipation of their impending fate, never knowing when their time will come. This uncertainty breeds anxiety, hopelessness, and despair, as we are left to ponder the ultimate question: Will we live or die???

Death row is more than just a physical space. It's a realm where time stands still and the psyche battles against the looming specter of mortality. Awaiting the final verdict, the psychological toll is immense, affecting every facet of life until the very end. 

Isolation exacerbates this psychological burden. This isolation breeds feelings of loneliness, abandonment, and alienation, further deepening the psychological wounds inflicted by this system. The process of appeals and legal battles only serves to prolong this agony! So may find solace in hopes of exoneration or last minute reprieve, but for many each to not appeal is a crushing glow to their already fragile psyche. The realization that they're fate lies in the hands of fallible people can lead to feelings of powerlessness and despair. 

The dehumanizing nature of the death penalty only serves to compound this psychological trauma. People are stripped of their dignity and reduced to mere numbers, cogs in a bureaucratic machine, as we were treated as disposable commodities rather than human beings. 

some of us on death row find a ways to cope amidst the darkness, but the psychological scar of life on death row runs deep, leaving lasting wounds that may never fully heal. 

As society grapples with the ethics of human torture, they forget the human cost, both physical and psychological, by condemning people to death row; the unimaginable!!!

N.O.

The Emotional Drain of an Execution 

I've been here for over 50 executions, I remember my first one and last one. They all were different. Some were my next door neighbor, never forget Ed Horsley, some were mentors, G-Bear and Snow, some were spiritual giants, but the state tried to kill their voice, D. Mason, Gary Brown, K. Smith. Out of all of those executions one thing people never asked me about and that is how are you emotionally, after a brother is killed. No one has ever asked me this. First of all every one of these executions have emotionally drained me. Sometimes I withdraw from family and friends. Sometimes I am sad to the point I even withdraw from brothers in here. Also I asked myself what lesson I miss that they tried to reach me with. Also here is the part that takes a lot out of me, when I feel like I missed my moment to present Jesus to them. One great example is one of my next-door neighbors, a week before his execution I asked him a question every day, and even with all that he was going through, he answered them all. One I will never forget, I asked him what have impressed him the most, since he's been here, he said unity among us, but also me accepting God and my thinking and behavior changing. He also said he believed in God, but will not ask God for nothing else since he did a miracle for him in 1968. After the state killed him, this changed me forever. I started reaching out to brothers, not just sharing my faith but my life. I still have my moment with these executions, but I don't shut down like I used to.

Jimmy Davis

Impact of Executions

I am a person that is full of life, but when the week of an execution comes, I pull away from people and I reflect on the person the state wants to execute. I reflect on my life, that I say everything Jesus needed me to say and do? I reflect on the officers, not just the execution team, but the officers that work back here, during the day of an execution. Are the people sitting with our brother treating him the same, as if they didn't have an execution date question what is the officer's heart that works inside on the night of an execution, even though they pass out hot water and ice, but I sense distance between us, which hinders us from expressing ourselves, us on death row, are mad about the reality of losing another brother, but also saying to oneself, I wonder how long I get, the officers can't express to any of us any comfort or encouragement. We on death row are not all the same emotionally, me, I don't call no one that day or for a couple of days, because not only are a lot of people watching me, but officers need to be comforted too. 

It is a bad situation for us both, the execution team and us. Think about this, can you pray for someone you know that is part of the process to kill you? But also can you kill someone that you know has made a difference in your life and family?

Jimmy Davis 

The Impact of a Sentence 

What I am about to share is real, but also an old mindset. I remember the day I was supposed to be sentenced to death, I had made a vow and the devil was about to honor it, my plan was to commit suicide, by grabbing the officer's gun and making them kill me. I was hopeless and I was full of rage. The day they sentenced me, my mom had to be praying because after the judge sentenced me, I walked into the lobby and no officers were there and I was about to end it all, but I heard a voice behind me, my mom and my baby sister. I stopped and asked the officer “can I hug them?” The officer's words were “Jimmy don't try nothing when I take these handcuffs off you,” he broke protocol and I kept that miracle buried deep inside of me. Today I am not that hopeless man. I am valuable to my family and friends, but most importantly I share the gospel of Jesus with everyone I come in contact with, brothers all around me, officers and nurses. I fully understand John 10:10 because after Jesus delivered me from the plan of the enemy, healed me and strengthened me I had seen my relationships with my family change, Jesus has given me godly influence with them all. The impact this sentence might have taken me away physically, but by the grace of Jesus, the sentence has redeemed my life so others can be blessed by my life.

Jimmy Davis 

I Been Locked Up

But Had an Opportunity to Change 

When we determine where we're at is who we are, we end up never changing. My time in prison has been very long, but the process of my change has many stages. I got locked up a young, confused, angry, and hopeless little boy, with no vision or hope. My first change that impacted my life and decision was to forgive for the first time in my life. That was an opportunity that I like to have missed, due to the circumstances. At Kairos, a spiritual 3-day event, I didn't want to go, because I wasn't serving Jesus at the time. But a brother convinced me to go. That opportunity was the start of my spiritual change. Project Hope helped me work on my gifts, which was writing. Sometimes we use our gift to release the hurt and anger of our past. I wrote to release my anger and frustration, and as I kept writing I developed how I can reach and speak to other people, without having a wall up. As I wrote more and more for Project Hope it opened up a different audience for me. That audience helped me to see the world differently, but also to see that everyone don't judge you because you're locked up they see your value beyond these walls. 

Jimmy Davis 

The Will of the People 

“We hoped the state wouldn't take a life simply because a life was taken and we have forgiven Mr Joe Nathan James Jr for his atrocities towards our family.” This was a statement issued by the family of Ms. Faith Hall through their representative to Gov. Kay Ivey before the torturous execution of Joe Nathan James Jr. Gov. Kay Ivey released a statement Thursday night stating the execution was an “unmistakable” message that Alabama stands with the victims of domestic violence.”Faith Hall the victim of repetitive harassment, serious threats and ultimately cold-blooded murder, was taken from this Earth far too soon at the hands of Joe Nathan James Jr. Now after two convictions, a unanimous jury decision and nearly three decades on death row, Mr James has been executed for capital murder and justice has been served for Faith Hall.” “With any execution case I look very closely at the history, the cold hard facts and all other information or correspondence I may receive. I also take deeply serious the feelings and position of the victim's family and loved ones. However we must always fulfill our responsibility to the law, to public safety, and to justice. Tonight, a fair and lawful sentence was carried out, and an unmistakable message was sent that Alabama stands with the victims of domestic violence.” so regardless of the will of the family of the murder victims Alabama still kills in the name of Alabama 

Kenny Smith struggled for life for over 22 minutes. He writhed in agony at the behest of the state of Alabama. Clearly he was tortured and he suffered at the hands of the state. AG Marshall issued a statement that the execution was textbook, so was it their intention that it went horribly wrong? Even after facing fierce condemnation from around the world Alabama wants to try another nitrogen suffocation! "Nothing happened here today that's going to bring mom back, nothing. It's kind of a bittersweet day. We're not going to be jumping around, hooting and hollering and all that. That's not us.” Was a statement given by the Sennett family in response to the execution of Kenneth Smith, also saying “We have forgiven him.” Yet and still that wasn't enough to keep Alabama from the grisly experiment of suffocating him to death. The death penalty isn't a deterrent to crime, nor a solace for suffering for the victim's family. The will of the people isn't always heeded when it contradictsthe bloodlust of the elected officials!

Jeffery Lee

Impact of an Execution 

As I sit here on the day of an execution, I wonder what goes on in the mind of the man the state is about to execute. In hours he knows that his life on earth will come to an end. As I wait to see what will happen I begin to think about who is next what he is thinking about. I say to myself this could be you one day if you don't stay on your case. I look at the guys who have wasted their years in prison and not worked on their case. The one who is about to be executed I start to wonder what did he do all those years before his date was set. Did he wait until it was too late before he wanted to fight. One has to wonder that maybe he thought he would never reach this day is he ready to die or is he wondering what comes after this life on earth. Does he believe in God or does he think that this is it. Does he live a life of regret. Does he accept his fate. You also have to wonder is he innocent of the crime. So a lot of things go on in my mind on the day of an execution so I look at myself and say you must do all you can until you can't do no more.