– Hello, Nice to Meet You –

“I lost so many peers, I shed so many tears … and, this what came out when I tried to speak. All I heard was, time goes by puffin on ‘lie’ hoping that it gets me high, gotta brotha going kraazy … said he going to be shorty, gonna be a thug … Gotcha weight up watchin hate & pay’em back when ya bigger …”

Sitting here in my cell, these are the lyrics that were playing in my head. These type songs, as strange as it may seem, helped mold and shape my adolescent mind. Though very strong words, “harsh to some”, those words motivated and uplifted me as a youngster. They helped me to mask, or cope with the pain and confusion I felt at that age. They also showed me a way to express what I had inside me. A burning fire, a gift, an opportunity for me to share my story with all those who would listen. All you had to do was listen, and even if you didn’t like me, you would have no other choice but to respect my flows. I had something! I was to provide for my grandmother, my children, and myself. I had a chance to make them proud of me. Yeah, those were the days. I put my heart into my flows. Always recorded and with each verse written I was getting tighter, and tighter. I was a child with ambition and talent. Well, I was also one of those rappers, that couldn’t rap about what I wasn’t living. I respected my elders, and helped around my community, but it was something about the street life that kept tugging at me. So, I had to see it! So, I fell into it, and when I say fell, I feel I fell head first. I was loyal to my partners. If you were with me, I’d give you my last. I was raised by my grandmother, she did all she could and more, to make sure I was well taken care of. She showed me love, raised me in the church, taught me right and instilled things in me that would take me through life in a respectful manner. She taught me that, a “good name” was/is better than gold & silver. I paid attention … but, I’m a man, and I had no man in my life to show me how to be a man. I looked at (and up) to the old heads for knowledge of how to be a man … Anyway, I was 11 years old when I was placed in juvenile services for the first time, but it certainly wasn’t the last time. Granny said I had gotten out of control, so she wanted the system to help her with me … “Big Parental Mistake”, but to there it was done out of love for me. From the age of 11 until 17, I spent an average of 5 to 6 months  out of every year in the Department of Youth Services, and “all that did was train me up un how to handle doing time.” I didn’t commit crimes … Well, my reason for being there wasn’t because of committing crimes. I fought a lot in school and stayed getting suspended. The punishment for days missed was being shipped back to another D.Y.S. program. I missed all my teenage years … no proms, sports, and not even a year book picture to reflect back upon as being a student. WOW!! “Gotta Brutha Going Kraaazy.”

I finally got out of Mount (MT) Megs (a juvenile detention center) when I was 17, with no probation, and vowed I wouldn’t be back. Well, I as actually 16, about to turn 17. I thought smart … Withdrew from high school, and enrolled in community college to get my G.F.D – “Did that!” Proud moment for me. By this time, I had developed a reputation of being a gangsta, and one thing about “reps”, you have to keep them up, or become old news. Let’s just say, I kinda liked the extra attention and respect, and I wasn’t about to let it go! So, I made sure to be “that dude”, who was going to always be fresh on people’s minds. “A DAMN FOOL!” I was raised to work, and if a man don’t work, he don’t eat. So, I made sure to keep some cash in my pockets, and stayed fresh, but I liked to hit the clubs and parties … and let’s just say, partying and work don’t go well together. So, I ended up getting fired. I was used to having my own, so I had to get is up. Hustling, scheming, and robbing became a way of life to keep money in my pockets, when I wasn’t working. “I only robbed dope boys (drug dealers)” though. You wasn’t going to trick me, to mess with them white folks stuff, is what I use to tell myself. That meant jail time! “Shorty wanna be a thug!” I just wanted to live and let live for real, but if you crossed my path wrong, we were going to address it!

Anyway, I had a lot of insecurities stemming from my childhood, and I had developed a neat trick of suppressing all that, and locking it away in a box, but every so often the box would become full … So, I would end up blowing a fuse. “I still find myself doing it, to this day!” Well, around this time I was going to the studio my homie had in his house on the regular, to record my music. One night, he asked me to ride with him, and when we got back he pulled out a bag of cocaine. I’d never tried anything other than weed and alcohol. Truth be told, I was scared of it. Anyway, he fixed up

some lines, and asked me if I wanted to “hit it”. I froze up for a sec, then reached out and took the straw … and made it do what it do! I almost choked. Anyway, we started rapping, and I was already “fire”, but that night, it’s like the cocaine allowed me to tap into my inner self and deliver my raps on a level that even surprised me!!! I thought to myself “Where have ya been all my life ..” I wanted to feel that way all day, every day. When I was high, I was in my own world, and no one could touch me. If you talked about me while I was high, it didn’t even get to me. “I had finally found my secret weapon!” What a damn fool I was! “I quickly became addicted and had to have my cocaine to maintain daily. That was a down hill ride … 0 to 100 real quick, turned into broke, busted, disgusted, and I needed my cocaine … I lied to myself constantly, saying “I had it under control, I could quit when I wanted too!” Boy, was I in for a rude awakening!!

Next move – my introduction to manhood. Around 18 yrs old, I packed all my belongings and took off, headed to Virginia. Alabama was too slow for me. I got myself on track … a job and all. Then, here comes another blow, thrown by life. No job, no money, nowhere to live, and no family to run to. So, I decided to come back home. Got involved in a car theft scene with this female, and made it back to “Bama” from VA in a stolen vehicle. I made it back on a Friday, and Sunday I was in the county jail for having a stolen vehicle. I was used to doing time, because the juvenile system had “laced me up” (taught me). “Thuggin way back since elementary, the juvenile system laced me up for the penitentiary.” I’ve been struck in the system, and in Alabama since then. I took a plea deal, and got out, but that same “reputation” I worked so hard to get, was now the very thing that stopped me from getting certain jobs. No one wanted to give the guy with the bad name a job!! They didn’t even know me, just my reputation had made it to them before I did, and no one was willing to give me the chance I needed for a fresh start. No money, no job, stress, and insecurities … all the problems coming at once! Feeling bad, because I was realizing that I made it this way. “Ya made a hard bed, ya going to have to lay in it!, words from Granny played in my head. Reality check!!! Can’t take that … So, it’s back to the “coke” to block it all out. I know, the reader, whoever you may be, taking this the wrong way, but I’m not by any means glorifying selling drugs, robbing, or using drugs. What I am doing, is giving you a rough draft of my life’s choices and mistakes. It could be you, or someone you know, who’s going through similar circumstances in your, or their life. I would like very much for others to learn from my mistakes. I have children, and I want them to learn from my mistakes, as well. I don’t want them to be like me, but instead, be better than me! I’m 32 years old now, and I’m on death row. This ain’t cool, at all!

Funny, when I think back on the years, and ho I went from school fights to fighting for my life. All because of the choices/decisions I made at a young age that paved the way for me to be where I am now. I never wanted this! All I wanted was to be accepted by my peers. I’m no longer concerned with anyone’s acceptance. I just want to be accepted by God, and I trust in Him. If he sees fit for me to have another chance at life, there’s nothing anyone can do to stop it, and if He chooses for me to die in here, then I’m content, as long as I can use my struggle to help a lost soul to find itself, and turn around their lives. Then, I’ll have found my purpose. Everyone on death row isn’t guilty, and everyone on death row isn’t the same person they were when they got here. There are no classes available for us to take, no rehabilitative programs for us. We live in a box, so small you can touch both walls without stretching your arms all the way out. We have to be in these cells 23 hours a day. Considered to be the worst of the worst. I’m not writing this for your sympathy, but to make you aware of where you could end up, in the blink of an eye … if, you don’t check yourself and choose to make a change right now.

Some people, no matter what, are going to have their fixed opinions about or towards death row inmates, and that’s cool (everyone is entitled to their own opinion), but to form an opinion out of anger, hate and revenge is just asinine! As John Erskine (American author and educator) said, “Opinion is that exercise of the human will which helps us to make a decision without information”. So, for the one person who has taken time to read a little about me, I hope this may inspire you to become a better, stronger person. I you know a youngster that’s on the wrong path, please share this with them, and if need be, I’m ready to, and are willing to correspond with them, if it’ll help. The youth are our future. I just want better for the next generation than what I made for myself. I hope that a glimpse into my life will also help open the eyes of the readers, who are curious as to how the mind of a man sentenced to die by lethal injection runs. I’m not bitter, but rather humble! Not angry, but rather peaceful! Not an animal, but another human being, just as you are! Made my share of mistakes, accepted them, and is trying to make a sincere contribution to a fellow brother, or sister who may be going astray, or just need to know and feel they’re not alone! We all make mistakes in life. You still have the chance to correct yours, and make it right. I hope you take advantage of it. Needless to say, I am against the death penalty … because to me, it’s only a way for the system to commit premeditated murder, in the name of justice. When all it truly is, is their form of revenge … “An eye for an eye”. And, if you’re one of those who support it, and believe in it, then to be honest, you’re agreeing that the victims in these death row inmate’s cases deserved to die. “Remember now, an eye for an eye”, right?! Just take the time to think about it, and I’m sure you’ll see that you’re no different than the same people you consider being animals, or scum. It speaks for itself. When reality hits you, all you have to do then is make a stand against the death penalty!

There are people of all races and genders around the world that have joined this fight, and are demanding that their voices be heard. Take a stand, and fight with us. If not, at least use what you’ve learned to try to steer a young brother or sister on the right path before it’s too late. I’m happy either way. Just don’t let this knowledge go to waste. The death penalty doesn’t discriminate in its mistakes and injustices. So, don’t think for a moment you’re too good to end up here. Skin color doesn’t matter, gender doesn’t matter, and last names doesn’t matter either. In Georgia right now, they’re ready to kill/execute the only woman that’s on their death row. She would be dead now, had not her murder been postponed due to problems with the drugs they were trying to use to kill her. I don’t personally know this woman, but I’m willing to be she’s not the same woman she was when she got there. Yet, and still they are ready to take her life away.

Is there such a thing as change? Or, even forgiveness? Let’s think people! From my understanding, prisoners committed crimes and were sentenced to whatever amount of time, as punishment for said crime committed. During their incarceration they were to be rehabilitated, and eventually let back into society, with a chance to succeed. The death penalty leaves no room for rehabilitation, no opportunity to repay your debt to society, no hope … but, I’m a firm believer in hope. That’s one reason I joined this group called “Project Hope to Abolish the Death Penalty”, because there is “HOPE”! Kelly Gissendanner should believe as well. She is the Georgia female that was to be executed last month. HOPE is real! She could’ve been like the brothers who fell victim to the torture and pain of a botched execution. Stay strong Kelly, and we will continue fighting and writing to get the word out to the people who don’t even realize what’s taking place. I will be your voice, sister! And while all this is taking place, the State of Tennessee has brought back the electric chair. Really??? How humane is frying a person to death? Then, you have Utah, who has passed a bill to use the firing squad … Stevie Wonder can see the hatred and violence these DEATH STATES are displaying, and he’s blind, but you aren’t! So, open your eyes, and look at these savages showing their true colors … Then, take a stand against the death penalty, in all forms. Your voice really does make a difference!

Well, I won’t take up anymore of your time, but I will ask you to pay attention, and share this message with anyone, and everyone you can. Thank you for listening to me …

Soló

Well here we are … The beginning of another year, a opportunity for new paths to be taken, resolutions will be made & later broken. So, I will spare myself the self-embarrassment, I’m not going to make any. I’m going to pay more attention to the goals I’ve already been striving toward. My first new year on the “row”. Wow!! Well, to me this day is the last day that I spent on the streets. I caught my case 4 years ago today, so for me every New Year replays my last day of freedom. All the pain, hurt & agony floods me all over every Jan. 1^st. You may wonder why it has such an impact on me … Well, it’s because the victim in my case was my fiancé, the love of my life. The one person who I put on a pedestal & anticipated spending the most of my life with, “my everything”. So, I didn’t just lose my freedom on this day, I also lost my other half. It’s a constant emotional roller coaster around this time. Crazy, huh?? Because, as much hate, anger & resentment I have for her, I have just as much love or more to weight against the hate. Don’t ask me how, but please know that it’s real. I feel like she can hear me when I talk to her, but she must be upset, because she hasn’t spoken back to me in a while … Slow down!!! Don’t lose your head!!! I’m not crazy. But talking to her or looking at her picture brings me a sense of comfort. I didn’t shoot, murder, or hurt her at all, but I created the situation that lead to it all happening. So, me being locked up isn’t so bad, because in my heart I took responsibility for the whole thing. I miss her & the kids so much. “My family”, they were everything. The reason for me doing certain things to better myself … I miss Mondays & Thursdays – thrash day & laundry day. Weekend movies & bowling or swimming. Family time was good & I looked forward to it due to the fact of me not growing up in a 2-parent household. Anyway … I miss Sundays going to church. Yes!!! I did go to church regularly when I was home. The whole family joined the congregation, including my son. I was the last to join. I surprised everyone. I can honestly say, I was at the best point in my life when this situation occurred & I lost everything I worked so hard for in the blink of an eye. Home, cars, cloths, freedom, family & my life gone all at one time. Well, I know that the reader is probably not interested in hearing my problems, but it’s really not being written for sympathy, or to complain, but this is just to talk you through the mind of just I death row inmate on New Year’s Day 2015. I mentioned to the members of “oppose” that, I didn’t like to write articles because I felt that I had nothing interesting to say. I was told to just write how I feel & what’s on my mind. Well, this is it. My contribution to “our” organization for this week. I love hope & I want to share my hope with my fellow members. I want to carry my weight, no matter how small or insignificant the assignment may be or seem to me. I asked myself … if the very members of this organization don’t put forth all their effort to support our case, then how can we really expect anyone in society that supports us to do their part. Brothers this is our fight. So let’s man up & do our parts. I know it’s a strong possibility that the death penalty won’t be abolished before I either get out through court or God forbid my execution takes place. But, I want to know that I did everything I could do to help farther this case & make progress for the new comers. “Just being honest” case time waits for no man & death row has no respect of persons. To tell as many people that I can that lethal injection is inhumane & is nothing but a scientific experiment of drugs to find a good dosage/combination to kill you by any means necessary, but to try & make it look good (sugar coat) it all the same time. Dear reader … There are innocent men on death row facing execution. Also, there are guilty men on the row as well, but each individual’s circumstances are different. Some had no other choice, some are very sorry & would get out & live very productive lives. Some would go do the same thing again… “Less face it there is evil in this world.” Dear reader, please understand that there are some of us in here that are blessed daily, but you also have those of us who have no one. No family support, no financial assistance, no one to love & last but certainly not least … there are those of us that “don’t have anyone to be loved by” I’m one of those who long for love & to be loved. I enjoy meeting a mature woman who don’t mind expressing themselves in multiple ways. I love to listen to a woman talk, tell me how her day went, or how her life’s been. No holding back, finding solutions to challenges in our lives & growing together… But, due to my current situation & the vast percentage of people who are considered “judgmental” & the amount of those individuals who are so close minded that they won’t open their minds up enough to embrace the possibility that I’m a changed, rehabilitated man … that has feelings & desires equivalent to those of their very own. Whoa!!! J That’s deep if I do say so myself. Let me pause for a sec to pour a cup of coffee … I’m really enjoying to ride the ride that my mind is taking you & I on at this moment. There’s a scripture in the bible that says “My people perish for the look of knowledge.” A very true statement. So, dear reader, let’s begin education ourselves on the death penalty & what it really stands for & represents. Lots learn the protocols evolving & leading up to an actual execution. Let’s learn that actual doctors don’t even take part in an actual execution. So, they’re present, but due to an oath taken by them to preserve life they can’t take part in the execution. Yes, it’s the truth. Look it up, read about the multiple botched/messed up executions that have taken place in Oklahoma, Arizona & Ohio. This happens because for one. These states along with Alabama still haven’t abolished the death penalty (despite the fact that it cost incredibly more to house a death row inmate vs the cost to house an inmate in general population). Those men were tortured until they died. “Improper drugs used to carry out all executions”, witness reports have stated inmates began shaking & gasping for air as if a fish out of water. This alone proving the paralyzing drug is insufficient when it comes to paralyzing inmates, though strapped to a death gurney. I can only imagine how those men felt with that poison leaving a trail of fire seeping through their veins. Inhuman, constitutional violations, abolishment, are just a few words that came to mind when I found out about these thing that are taking place in these prisons when people in society pass by everyday not realizing the great injustices that are taking place right under your noses. Ask yourself … How would you feel if your daughters, sons, brothers, cousins, or even companions were in this situation? Would you care enough to do research on it, or what if it was you!!! Yes, what if it was you sitting here writing this article/letter to no particular person, just hoping that someone takes the time to read it & enter your mind for a day. Asking whoever reading this to share it with your friends on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, people in your community. Dear reader, remember that knowledge is power & in the words of G.I. Joe “knowing is half the battle”. So, take a few minutes of your time to visit our website & educate yourself on this battle for lives that’s taking place as we speak. When you look & see how many supporters we have backing us in this fight. Women, I’ve never spoken to or seen in my life, taking the baton & running this race with me. Esther, Ursula, Tanja, etc. special thanks to you guys for your love & support that’ genuine. You guys fight for the lives of men you’ve never ever seen. I’m new to this fight. Only a year in the organization, but when I look of some of my brothers white/black who have been running this more than for some 20 plus years & who are at the end of the line & all they have left is their “hope”. It makes me want to fight harder & try to speed up the process so their lives will be spared by death penalty abolishment. But, as I said, this is a marathon, not a sprint. So, patience becomes very essential. “Anything worth having is worth fighting for.” So, we fight with patience & precision making accurate strikes to our opponent, chipping away at him slowly til we achieve success. Well, I know this is probably not normal to write so much, but I had to get a little of this pressure off my chest. Hope you enjoyed your introduction & tour through the mind of Cedric Floyd, a.k.a. Soló. If you have any questions for me feel free to ask & if you want to contact me, I can receive mail at this address:

Cedric Floyd Z-796 Cell H-12

Holman 3700

Atmore, AL 36503

until next time,

Solo